So I had a pretty good amount of comments/replies on my Vday Playlist entry regarding on how they are going to spend their Valentines Day. I’ve read a couple and I have noticed that most of them have basically the same plans on that day:
- Go out with the family and spend some quality time together.
- Go out alone; eat out and see a movie. (Hey, alone time on Vday isn’t bad at all!)
- Stay at home and do nothing. (Like IDGAS about Valentines what so)
But there are also a few who have said that, they do not know how to spend the day because they desire to spend it with the “one” they love but for some reason they don’t know how to make it happen. They want their Valentines Day to be spent with their “special someone” but they feel “unwanted”, “unloved” and “rejected” or in other words, broken-hearted. I’ve read a couple of comments about how lonely they feel towards Valentines Day because they just lost someone they’re supposed to spend it with. You know, it’s actually nice how people leave comments on my blog and spill their deepest sentiments as if I am their confidante; I am like a human diary, know what I am saying? Browsing through their comments–or should I say their stories– makes me feel sad knowing how bad they feel about losing the one they love; how awful they feel about having to break up with their partners, and how devastated they have been for they are still stuck in the past and still madly in love with the one that got away. Sucks, I know. I’ve been there. I’ve been left hanging a couple of times already and I know how bad it feels.
So at the end of their stories about their not-so-happy endings, the following sentence they tell me is (or ask, rather) “Paano ba mag move on?” I am not a love guru and I do not claim to be one but I think there are some things that I can share to you that might help you. I know I am too young to be talking about this; you might be asking me what do I know about love for me to be giving you an advice. Well, you have a point. What does a 20-year old girl know about moving on from someone who has left you? What does a 20-year old girl have experienced to tell you what you should do? What does a 20-year old girl know about LOVE? You might be right, I am just 20, and presumably I have not gone through a major heartbreak yet so I may not know how BAD it really feels (uhm, what’s even the basis of a “major heart break” anyway?!) The thing is, I don’t think I have to go through each level of broken-heartedness for me to understand how love works and this thing called ‘moving on’. I don’t think I need to get my heart broken a million times for me to how to know how HORRIBLE it feels to be “broken-hearted”. I don’t think I need to go through different kinds and levels of rejection for me to know that not everybody feels the same kind of heartache.
Okay, I get it. You have been fooled? You have been left hanging? Someone cheated on you? Oh, he/she didn’t love you all along? Dang, he/she just used you? What, you are in love someone who doesn’t love you? You feel sad, oh, no– not just sad? You feel horrible? You feel devastated? Wait, you feel like dying already?
Before you throw me that “You will never understand how it feels unless you are the one feeling it” line, let me tell you this.. I might not have experienced being in your position and condition (if that’s something really drastic) but there are ways to avoid being in or being stuck in that state. It’s not easy but once you get know how to control your emotions and the way you think, then dealing with heartbreaks would be easier for you–in a way.
Moving on is not easy; especially if you have invested so much (love, time, etc.) on your partner. Also if you have been together for so long, breaking up them would never be easy. You are lucky if you have found someone who will stick with you thru thick and thin for the rest of your life but let’s admit it, not everyone is fortunate enough to be with someone who will stay with them no matter what. It sucks I know, and I hate it; I hate how complicated relationships can be– which is why I don’t just commit with someone that easily.
I have young blog readers (teens) and I think I need them to know about this; they need to be aware of what they are getting their selves into. Okay yung pa-happy happy crush lang muna but if you are planning to take it to the next level, then there are things you need to know.
Before you enter a relationship– or better yet, before you decide to love someone wholeheartedly– you must know that getting hurt in the process is inevitable. You will get hurt from time to time may it be because of something either big or petty; and it happens to everyone, not just to you don’t feel SO distressed about it. You will face a lot of circumstances in life together; and that is when you will start to get the hint of how strong (or weak) your relationship’s foundation is. If you think you have not built a strong foundation yet then you two can always work on it– if the both of you are willing to. It’s always up to the two of you if you really want to make your relationship work and last. Kayong dalawa yan eh, alanganaman sa driver mo o kaya sa tambay dyan sa kanto. At the end of the day, it’s always going to be your decision. It isn’t actually bad to follow what your heart tells you; follow your heart, pero wag ka masyadong (excuse my language) tanga.
Going back, paano nga ba mag move on? I believe each one of us have our own ways of moving on; the ones that work for me might not work for you and vice versa. If you are struggling moving on from your past relationship then I hope these could help you. Let’s go back to square one.
So your partner has decided to break up with you– or they just simply left you. Or it could be the other way around; you could be the “partner” that I am talking about. What are the possible and usual reasons for you to be left on your own or for you to give up?
- The relationship is not working.
- He/she is not happy with you anymore.
- He/she likes someone else
- He/she is cheating on you
- He/she is seeking for something new. (May sawa factor, wit!)
- You keep on hurting so many times.
- You need space
- He/she is just not worth it–anymore
- You never really loved him/her.
- *insert whatever your reason is*
I shall speak in two (female) POVs, for you to understand it better.
Okay, so ikaw ang nang iwan. You have your reasons as to why you’ve decided to leave him. Presumably the reason could be you’ve had enough and you cannot keep up with your partner’s upsetting actions anymore. You love him so much that you’ve decided to leave him for you know that he is clearly already taking you for granted. Understandable–if that is really the reason– it’s good that you’ve thought about your own sake this time. I’m proud of you sister for making that tough decision. Love yourself, ganoin! Pero gets ko, mashakeeet din sa part mo.
Okay, so ikaw naman ang iniwan. Ouch. Just the term “iniwan” itself hurts already. He has his reasons; although most of the time, it isn’t sensible at all. But you have to understand that he’s just not that into you anymore. Accept it, he left you for a reason– rational or not. Masakit tanggapin but you have to. You might have asked yourself a thousand times already “What happened to us?” “What changed his mind?” “Where did I go wrong?” You guys used to be really happy and all, then all of a sudden, things changed. That’s one of the worst things ever, not knowing the reason why. But hey come to think about it, you know precisely what the reason is–it’s just you cannot accept it.
Acceptance is the key! The first thing you need to do in order to move on is to accept it. Accept the fact that he’s not part of your life anymore; accept the fact that you two are not together anymore. He left you; he’s gone. The worst thing you could do is to please him to get back together with you. Do. Not. Do. It. I tell you, do not ever please someone to love you. Love isn’t something that you beg for; it is something that is given to you freely without questions asked. So quit asking yourself where did you go wrong. Quit asking yourself if you are not good enough; because you are, believe me. You deserve someone who will love you as much as you love them. And clearly, he’s not the one– accept it.
Feel your feelings. You’re sad because he left you? You feel sad? Don’t ignore it. Go feel your sadness. It’s actually nice to feel down from time to time; I believe every human needs to feel some kind of way every once in a while. Go reminisce about the times you spent together, listen to sad love songs, scan through your cheesy photos together, read his old texts messages. That’s fine, that’s normal. I’m not even going to tell you not do it, because I know that you will. (Ha!) Okay lang yan, normal lang. But! Here’s the thing, do not go overboard with it. It’s fine you do it a couple of times (because you miss the feeling), but don’t do it all the freaking time. That is actually the reason why you cannot move on, cause you keep on going back, and then it makes you feel miserable and then bam! you’re stuck. Feel your sadness for a short period then get back on track again– don’t go beyond the expiry date.
Cut him out. Okay now that you have had your time going through his photos and text messages.. it’s time to delete it. Remove traces of him in your phone. Why? Because I know that you won’t stop checking him out. Staring at your photos together won’t make him come back. Stalking his social media accounts won’t make him come back. Thinking about him all day won’t make him come back. Gets? Don’t torture yourself.
Mind over matter. It’s not easy to control your emotions especially if you are feeling out of sorts. There are times in life wherein we feel depressed that it makes us feel like there is nothing we can do but to wallow in sadness. Mahirap yan, misery will stay within us if we let our emotions control us. You know how it feels to be really sad; admit it, when you’re sad you don’t feel like doing anything at all. You feel so uninspired, and sometimes you just want to get lost forever. It’s always up to the way we think. Quit thinking about being so broken because you’re not as broken as you THINK you are. We are capable of controlling the way we feel, it is ALL in the mind. Don’t go following your feelings around, let your feelings follow you.
Pray. Feel your negative emotions in the presence of God. Ask for His guidance. Don’t blame him for what’s happening to your life, it happened for a reason. (And you’ll know what the reason is–eventually) Know that He’s not going to let you go through something He knows you couldn’t handle. Pagsubok lang yan sa life. You are not the only one who gets to face such kind of problem; some people have it worse than you. Give thanks.
That’s basically it. At the end of the day we’re all going to end up with accepting the situation and learning how to deal with it. Like I have said, acceptance is the key. If you can’t accept the reality, then you are going to be stuck wherever you are until you find the courage to accept how things turned out and let go of it. Not all us get to have happy endings. (Is there even such thing as happy endings?) Kering keri mo yan. It’s not that easy, but you have to do what you have to do. There are far better things ahead of you, darling. Life doesn’t stop for anyone, not even for you. So don’t get stuck in that miserable state. Divert your attention to something else; there are plenty of things you could do. Don’t waste your time fantasizing on a guy who doesn’t give a shit about you, you deserve better– and you’ll meet him soon, sa tamang panahon. And when you meet him, you’ll be glad that none of your past relationships worked out.
Being in love is not easy, minsan talagang nakakatanga. And it makes you ask yourself “Ano bang meron sakanya at nagpapakatanga ako?” pero ganon talaga. At some point in our lives we’ll get to experience it. It’s fun at first but it gets tricky after some time. It’s actually nice to be in love if you know how to deal with it.
If there is actually one thing I’ve learned about love, it is to love someone without setting any expectations. Love them lang, make them your inspiration. Do things that will make them smile, make them happy, ganoin! Don’t expect them to do same for you; most especially don’t expect them to love you back in the same level you love them– because it is not always going to happen. Not every person you’ll love will love you back. That’s a FACT. Love someone without expecting anything in return, you’ll be happier.
Like I’ve said earlier, jumping to the next level would be tough. Being in a serious relationship is a big responsibility; it isn’t something you should make fun of. (Kaya nga serious eh!) It’s very risky but you’ll know if someone is worth taking the risk. It takes a little and a lot of everything to make a relationship work. There are a lot of things that you need to take into consideration. It won’t be easy, it’s going to be really hard but it’s going to be worth it. 🙂
This Valentines, you don’t need someone to accompany you. You could spend the day by yourself. Go breathe some fresh air! Go out and enjoy your own company. Eat out at your favorite restaurant and get your favorite meal, kahit carbs on carbs on carbs pa yan. Enjoy it, you deserve to have a really good meal. Go see a movie! Or you could just stay at home, tuck yourself in your bed and watch your favorite movies. You could also invite your family to spend the day with you and spend quality time together. See your friends! Do the things you guys normally do and laugh at the silly things and the silly stories you all share. Who says you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to enjoy Valentines Day? There are plenty of people you could spend it with. Wag ka masyadong hopeless romantic dyan, ano ka ba. Di porket di ka nakatanggap ng bulaklak eh wala nang nagmamahal sayo.
PS: Remember my favorite quote? Be miserable or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it ALWAYS your CHOICE.
PPS: Smile! It’s not the end of the world.